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Going to college

     There I was outside of my school; feeling proud of how I was able to complete high school a year early and I was ready to take on life. I had graduated with good grades and way more credits than what I needed. But getting there wasn’t easy. Before I graduated high school I was expelled from the district schools because I had brought a knife with me on campus. The sad part is that it wasn’t on purpose. I had bee fishing with a friend that weekend and had left my favorite pocketknife with him because he needed it and I was leaving early that day. So when I got back to school after the weekend I bumped into him at vons, which was across the street from the school. He happened to have my knife on him ad gave it back to me and I figured it would be ok because nobody had any reason to suspect me of anything bad and therefore I would not be searched. So I paid him back the money I owed him that he let me barrow the previous week and headed back to school. That’s were everything went wrong.

I was heading back to class when I heard an unexpected voice. “Martin, may I please see you for a second? I need to talk to you.” I turned around to find it was one of the administrators I was a friend with. “Hey how’s it going? What’s up?” I said casually. With a strict look on his face he said “Your friend Kyle gave you something and you put it in your pocket before you gave him money. I want you to show me what it was.” I showed him the knife and he took me directly to the principles office. Unlucky for me we had just gotten a new strict one who got anyone in trouble without knowing his or her record. I was expelled immediately. They charged me for selling weapons and having them on campus. About a month and a half later I enrolled into El Puente community school. I was disappointed to find out academic levels were really low. After month of being at that horrible school I was aloud to go into independent studies that aloud me to work at my own pace. I worked at a fast pace to be able to catch up on work that I missed while being out of school. After catching up I still kept the same routine because I had only one thought in mind. To get my diploma so I can get out of that horrible school. At about a year early I graduated from that school with about two hundred eighty credits.

My father and I have always had a quiet relationship and it has been getting worse. Ever since he started drinking we have been growing apart. It started as simple as a beer every once in a while to at least one forty ounce a day. The days he can’t afford to buy his favorite beer he will gather all his lose change to buy the cheapest wine or liquor he ca find that will get him drunk. I think he started drinking because of the stress of bringing up to boys without the help of the mother and one of the boys constantly getting in and out of juvenal hall.

What really started to scare me was when he started to throw up blood. He would hardly ever eat when he would drink. Then he started urinating blood too; it looked like what coca cola looks like when you leave it out for a really long time. I went to a doctor to find out what was going on with him and they told me that his liver was going bad and that he had stomach ulcers. If he kept the same habits I knew I wouldn’t have a dad for long. I begged and begged for him to go to a doctor. All he would say was “There is nothing wrong with me. I am fine. I don’t need to go to any f-ing doctor!” After a while of trying to get him to help himself I had to stop because no matter how hard I tried he wasn’t going to change.

I packed my things up and left to my aunt’s house in Oxnard without telling my dad my intentions. I was glad that I was able to go away and not see me dad suffer everyday. Unfortunately it was not going to be as easy as I thought it was. After a little while of being in Oxnard and collecting my paperwork that I needed to enroll I started getting calls from family. It started with them saying that my dad was depressed and that they didn’t know why. Then I started to get call from my dad asking when I was going to come back and I would just keep saying soon. After a little while of him constantly asking me I just told him that I was thinking about going to college in my aunts town. That’s when he freaked out and started threatening me that if I didn’t come back right away he would get all his things and move away never to be seen again.

That’s when I started begging him saying “Dad please let me go to college over here.” He then said in a mean way “No you are not aloud to go to school over there. Come back right away!” then I said “But why not? Don’t you want me to succeed by going to school? Then he replied in a really angry voice “Because I said no and that’s final! There is no excuse for you not to go to school in Santa Barbara.” I said back to him “Dad! Don’t be so inconsiderate. You know the reasons why I don’t want to want to go to school over there.” By this time he was just infuriated. He yelled at me “It is your own damn fault that you got expelled! If you want to go to school it’s going to be here.” I yelled back “You were the only person who could have helped me and you didn’t.” I ignored him thinking that he might get over it soon and would let me be. I was wrong.

I started getting call after call saying my dad was drinking heavily and missing work for it. I knew then at that moment that things were going downhill. What finally did it for me was when I got a call from my dad’s girlfriend saying that my dad over drank and had been out for about twenty hours and that he wouldn’t wake up. So I then had no choice but to go home, back to the life I hated and wished that I could truly get away from.

After turning nineteen I was just too tired of the life I was living. It felt like if I was stuck in a trap that I couldn’t get out of. Almost like a caged animal. I felt that there was nothing I could do because of the fear of losing my only parent. But one I just snapped out of it. I told myself “You are not going to get anywhere in life if you don’t make the effort to move forward and get over the obstacles in way, whatever they may be.” Once again I left to my aunts house and without waiting I signed up for college. My dad started calling again and I had a talk with him. I told him “Dad no matter what you say or do I am not going back. I want to succeed in life and you were not helping me. Thank you for giving me what you have, but I have to live my own life.” We have hardly talked since then. Starting school was hard for me because of how long I’ve been out of school and did not take any college prep classes. At least now I have a since of peace in myself and I am ready to take on life again. I don’t know were I’m going yet, but I expect to make something good of myself.

my life

Me…..

I was born and raised in Santa Barbara. I lived with my dad and older brother Isaias. My mother disappeared when I was the age of one and a half so I never got to know her or her side of the family. According to my family it was due to her addictions. I had pretty rough child hood. After my fifth birthday, my dad got a new girlfriend that he really liked. I really didn’t like her very much at all. You are probably thinking it is because the fact I was going to have a new mom. My first impression of her was a very kind and caring person. She ended up being the exact opposite. When I was with her, (which was most of the time because my dad worked from noon until eleven.) I was not permitted to leave her house or have ay sort of entertainment. So I was deprived of having friends and knowing much of about being a kid. My daily routine with her was once my dad left to work both my brother and I had to sit on the staircase all day of her two story apartment until ten thirty at night (half hour before my dad would get home) and if we were to fall asleep we would be awakened by having ice cold water poured on us. There is also a lot of other stuff that happened that I would much rather not get into detail about. When my dad would get home from work he would be my hero because I would get a break from her, so I would be watching the clock all waiting for him to get home. I did not get any freedom until I reached the eighth grade when I was aloud to leave the house on the condition that the apartment was sparkling clean and that I had really good grades (nothing lower than a b). That is when I had really gotten into fishing. I would spend any time I could fishing anywhere I can go. It got to the point where all the locals new me or had heard of me. At the same time my brother was starting a lot of trouble were we lived and we were constantly moving from apartment to apartment (we were moving on the average of every six to fourteen months).

By the time I was a freshman in high school my brother had gone to Juvenal hall a few times and my dad had already been drinking daily for about a year and I was already on meds for depression. I was still doing well in school and had just started working volunteer on a party boat out of Santa Barbara named the Stardust. It was a way for me to get away from home and take my mind off of all the things going on my life. Everything was ok until the day I got in trouble in the beginning of my junior year. I got expelled for having a knife on me at school. What happened was that I was fishing with my friend Kyle on the weekend and had left my pocket knife with him and while across the street from campus I stumbled into him and paid him back some money I owed him from that he had lent me for lunch the week before and right as I was heading back to school he called me back and gave me my knife I had left with him that weekend. I figured no one would suspect me of anything and had no reason to search me because I was a good student. Well when I got back to school there was an admin waiting for me. He told me, U gave Kyle money and he gave u something and u put it in your pocket. Show me what it was. That’s all it took for me to get expelled. No matter what I did or even my background of being popular fisherman (I had already been in the newspaper twice for it) couldn’t help me from expulsion.

I graduated from El Puente community school the beginning of my senior year with about two hundred and sixty credits. By then I wanted a fresh start and wanted to go to school in a different area because I didn’t want to be in Santa Barbara anymore. But because I was seventeen I was not aloud to leave anywhere without my dads permission.  I knew if I went to the local city college I would be too distracted to get anything done. Once I turned eighteen I left the house to try to enroll to at least Oxnard College. But when I did that my dad threatened me that if I was to go to college away from him, he would move far away never to be seen again. I figured I would ignore him and just go to school and get on with life. About three days later I started getting phone calls from family that he was drinking heavily and was really depressed. I figured he would get over it soon. He didn’t. The last call I got was from his girlfriend saying that she couldn’t wake him up and that she had been trying for hours. So I left to home. I didn’t have a job or anything anymore and he was no longer supporting me. I’ve had to keep asking family to help me with food and clothes. After so much time of having nothing I got too tired of being with him. I told my self that if I couldn’t overcome him I would get nowhere in life. So I chose to leave him and know I’m trying to get back into school. It is kind of hard for me now because I haven’t had any real schooling in almost four years.

What I want for my future is still unclear to me. All I know is that I want to make something of my self because I have lived to long already with having nothing of my own and I want to live a better life. I hope that going to college will be able to help me choose a career I want and teach me the life skills for living by myself happily. I thank you all who have taken your time to read this and hope you have it better than I do.